Black & white

 In a pocket full of lies
She picked out black from white
She wore her frown upside down
And her shoes inside out. 
She saw the colours in the void
And filled them with spaces of blame
And when she closed her eyes, it was all still the same. 
The brightness was magnified, but the darkness was too
And when it wore out, then it would all be for me and you. 
She saw something no one did,
Was hope really that wrong?
In the words that followed
She wrote her own song. 
Maybe it was more than that,
Maybe she just couldn’t see
But how was she supposed to understand? 
In a world full of yellow, red and blue,
And a million other in her sight,
All she saw was black and white.  

I couldn’t stop looking at her. I wondered if she could see me staring at her from the corner of her eye, but even though I considered that she could, I still held my gaze firmly. She seemed tired after she’d told me what she had done and I remember trying so hard not to show anything on my face, to be completely unreadable, and I hoped I’d succeeded. I didn’t know what I was feeling towards her. Is this normal? Looking at someone so much and then not being able to look away? Me being me, so unfazed and never confused, it felt weird to think about someone so much constantly. My god, she was so beautiful. There was nothing on her mind that those beautiful eyes of hers already didn’t show. She had pretty, long eye lashes that kissed her cheeks lovingly every time she closed her eyes. She tucked a strand of her brown hair carefully behind her ear and I could almost see all of it happening in slow motion. I think about what it would be like to get closer to her, what it would feel like and I question my level of sanity. I’ve definitely lost it. But even if I did like her, would she ever like anyone like me? I’d caught her eye a couple of times, and then both of us had just looked away, like nothing happened. And then it hit me, I was so fathomlessly in love with her and she was so ineffably beautiful. But she was selfless and I was self webbed, she was caring and I was ignorant, she was careful and I was reckless, she was shy and I was stupid and I erased the thought completely. Nah, there was no way she’d ever like me. She looked at me suddenly, and I looked away almost abruptly and I only hoped I didn’t make it too obvious. 

I could feel his eyes on me and it was so hard to not look and check. He’d been staring for so long now and I began feeling extremely self conscious. I tucked a fallen strand of hair behind my ear and tried but failed to imagine what he might be thinking. For the first time in forever, I’d been able to read his usually unreadable face and if I wasn’t wrong, just for a brief second, he looked taken aback after I told him what I’d done. And now here I was, thinking about him. I was doing that I a lot these days and I wondered where these sudden feelings were coming from. I seriously questioned my level of sanity. In spite of all, it was hard not to admit that it was nice to get attention from such a good looking guy. But maybe I was just being paranoid? How could HE like ME? I mean he was popular and smart and he had this reputation and I was, well….me. Plain, old me. And more over, why was I even thinking about him so much? Did I have feelings for him? I didn’t know. One thing I loved admiring about him is how graceful he was. He never stumbled or tripped or stammered. He was sure and comfortable with who he was. He managed to make even his nervousness somehow look smooth and unfazed. It would be an insult to describe him as anything less than perfect, because that’s what he was: perfect. Oh and that small scar below his right eye, it was like it was made and shaped especially for him. And that’s exactly what made me wonder, why me? Because he was graceful and I was messy, he was straight forward and I was hiding, he cared too little and I cared too much, he was sure and I was confused, he was funny and I was boring, he was talented and I was so ordinary. But because I was me and because I was messy, because I was stupid and I did everything that was totally wrong for me….I liked him. 
I couldn’t do it anymore, I finally turned and looked at him, and he looked away carefully, like I was just a passing gaze.